Ghost Jokes

Here are a few jokes about ghosts, spirits and ghouls. Most of them are appropriate for children, but one or two are not. Because I've collected so many quotes, I've had to break up this page into three parts. If desired, you can go directly to Page 2 or to Page 3.

How can you tell if a corpse is angry?
It flips its lid.

How did the ghost patch his sheet?
With a pumpkin patch.

How did the ghost song and dance act make a living?
By appearing in television spooktaculars.

How did the glamorous ghoul earn her living?
She was a cover ghoul.

How do ghosts keep fit?
By regular exorcise.

How do ghosts learn songs?
They read the sheet music.

How do ghosts like their drinks?
Ice ghoul.

How do ghosts like their eggs cooked?

How do ghosts like to send their letters?
Scare mail or parcel ghost.

How do undertakers speak?

How do well-groomed ghosts keep their hair in place?
With scare spray.

How do you know if your being haunted by a parrot?
He keeps going "Ooo's a pretty boy then."

How do you know that you are talking to a undertaker?
By his grave manner.

This woman wanted to marry a ghost.
I don't know what possessed her.

What airline do ghouls fly on?
American Scareways.

What is a ghost's favorite kind of street?
A dead end.

What are little ghosts dressed in when it rains?
Boo‐ts and ghoul‐oshes.

What color are ghosts?

What country is haunted by ghosts?
No country, just a terror‐tory.

What day of the week do ghosts look forward to?

What did one ghost say to another?
Do you believe in people?

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
Do you really believe in people?

What did one ghost say to the other when they fell down?
I got a booo booo.

What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?
You look boo‐tiful tonight.

What did the ghost bride throw to her bridesmaids?
Her boo‐quet.

What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop?
Scream or sugar.

What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
Watch the board and I'll go through it again.

What did the guard at the haunted house say?
Halt! Who ghost there?

What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
Put your boos and shocks on.

What did the mother ghost say when the little ghosts got into the car?
Boo‐kle up your sheet‐belts.

What did the polite ghost say to her son?
Don't spook until you're spooken to.

What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?

What do ghosts dance to?
Soul music.

What do ghosts do when they're in hospital?
They talk about their apparitions.

What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
Coffee with scream and sugar.

What do ghosts eat for breakfast?
Ghost Toasties with booberries, Scream of Wheat, or Dreaded Wheat.

What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Ghoulash or spook‐ghetti.

What do ghosts have in the seats of their cars?
Sheet belts.

What do ghosts mail home while on vacation?

What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off?
Ban‐she Ban‐she.

What do ghosts say when something is really neat?

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice Scream.

What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?

What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.

What do little ghosts like to play with instead of Frisbees?

What do short‐sighted ghosts wear?

What do the ghosts of dead gingerbread men wear?
Cookie sheets.

What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A holy terror.

What do you call a ghost who stays out all night?
A fresh air freak.

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin.

What do you call a ghost's mother and father?

What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A toasty ghosty.

What do you call a prehistoric ghost?
A terror‐dactyl.

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